A Bit of Bullying

Last night and today I have been struggling with whether to post this or not. I decided to post it and at least get a little feedback. Maybe.

I'll preface this by saying that I know I have a tendency to be very introspective (a gift from the Puritans--despite their problems) and over-analytical. I overanalyze some things. Ok most things. Perhaps that is just what I'm doing now, or perhaps I didn't react properly to the situation. Here is what happened:

My 13 yo niece J is visiting for the summer. [She is one the most shy children I've ever known. She generally looks at the floor while she is speaking, and I often have to ask her to repeat herself because I can't hear what she says.] I put her on our neighborhood pool pass, so she could swim with my 12 and 13 yo children. We literally live across the street from the park/pool (I can stand on my front porch and see the kids playing), so the kids go to the pool almost every day.

Late last week I was at the park with my cousin and her daughter. J got out of the pool and walked toward my house by herself. I called her to me and asked her what was wrong, but I got the typical "nothing" that a 13 yo gives. I thought maybe she was just tired and shrugged it off. But it happened again. And again. Finally, Tuesday, I asked my 12 yo daughter C what was wrong with J. She told me that some girls at the pool began picking on her and threatened to beat her up. C said that it had escalated to the point that J did not want to swim at all, and C was now being threatened. I asked C if they had brought it to the attention of the lifeguards, and C told me that the lifeguards knew it was happening. Several of the lifeguards are friends with the girls and they laugh when the girls threaten my children. I was very, Very angry. Later that day, all the kids went to the park to play. After a short time, they all came back in the house because the girls and a few of their friends had gotten out of the pool, gone to the park, and threatened them. That was it for me. I was hopping mad. You just don't mess with Mama Bear's cubs!

Anyone who knows me knows that there are two things I can't stand--pedophiles and bullies. People who hurt those who cannot protect themselves do not give me warm fuzzies. I thought and thought about what to do. What I really wanted to do was go out there and give those girls a good spanking, but I restrained myself, as it was probably not the wisest thing to do.

Wednesday, I decided to go to the pool with the kids. The younger ones wanted to go anyway, and I knew this situation had to be dealt with. Obviously the girls steered clear of my children while I was there. When it was time to go, I sent the kids on while I stopped in the clubhouse and asked to speak to the manager. The manager (as is usually the case) was not there, so I decided to speak to lifeguard. I waited until other people had dispersed and told her:

"I don't want to embarrass anyone, but this situation needs to be dealt with. My niece is visiting for the summer, and I put her on our pool pass. I paid for my pass just as everyone else has, and now my children, especially my niece, feel like they can't even come to the pool. I did not pay for my children to be harassed and threatened when they come to swim. If the behavior continues, I will have no choice but to press charges against anyone involved."

The lifeguard said, "I understand" about 500 times. When I was finished, she said that she would make the other lifeguards aware of it, and it would not happen again. It hasn't. The kids have been swimming every day since, and they have had not 1 ounce of trouble.

But I feel a bit bad. I didn't want to threaten anyone. That actually was not my intent. I really wanted them to know that I felt pressing charges or getting a restraining order was the only option they would be leaving me, if the threats and harassment did not stop. The behavior has stopped, but punching someone in the face might stop behavior too--that doesn't make it the right thing to do. Did I do the right thing? Or should I have done something else?