Waiting...

T is mad at me. Justifiably. I made a really dumb mistake. As soon as I realized what I had done, I called and told him, and he was mad. I told him it was my fault and apologized. And he was still mad. He wasn't speaking to me last night when I got home. (Actually, he just went to bed when I got home.) I really hate that. I never sleep well when one of us is mad at the other. What makes it even worse is that he is on call tonight, so he'll be at the hospital until tomorrow. So that means: I didn't see him all day yesterday, I didn't get to really see him last night, he left at 6:30 this morning, and he won't be home until 1 or 2 tomorrow afternoon, at which time he will probably go to bed completely exhausted until sometime tomorrow night. That is just too long.


It is one of the hardest things for me to wait on forgiveness. In my mind I understand that it takes some time to get over being angry, but I hate feeling so distanced from him, especially knowing that it's all my fault. My heart has a hard time with it. It makes me so mad at myself. But what can I do? Nothing. I admitted that it was my fault--I was careless. I apologized. Now all I can do is wait.

He called me today for a few minutes. That's a good sign.

But still the waiting....

It really sucks.